Wednesday 9 September 2015

Nothing but make-believe will ever feel real again

I have found the Labour party leadership contest surprisingly exciting, but that's to be expected when every major media outlet is trumpeting about Jeremy Corbyn's ability to take us back to the 1980s.
See, I assumed Mr Corbyn would just become leader of the Labour party and then stay in the present and disagree with the government a lot, but according to everyone from The Guardian to the Daily Mail, he will, in fact, engage in some sort of Back To The Future-style defiance of the laws of nature and travel backwards through time itself - and to think people are actually surprised that everyone wants to vote for him now?  Of course they'd vote for him!
For too long has time travel been the preserve of the rich and the media elite of London who use it to travel forward in time to see that Corbyn will lose elections!  Time travel for the rich, and austerity for the poor?  Not if our boy Jeremy has anything to say about it!

Tuesday 8 September 2015

You sound like the kind of man who goes to Jerusalem and doesn't visit the Sexateria

Tony Blair had this to say on the matter of the British electorate wanting to exercise their right to choose their own representatives rather than having those representatives chosen for them from a vetted pool of establishment-approved ringers:

“It is like a driver coming to a roadblock on a road they’ve never travelled before and three grizzled old veterans say, ‘Don’t go any further, we have been up and down this road many times and we’re warning you that there are falling rocks, mudslides, dangerous hairpin bends and then a sheer drop’; and the driver says, ‘Screw you, stop patronising me. I know what I’m doing’.”

I find this parable quite fascinating, partly because it explicitly states that these grizzled veterans promise a plague of misfortunes upon anyone who dares question their divine infallibility, but mainly because it is a parable that explicitly acknowledges that the hypothetical driver does not believe what the three grizzled veterans are saying.  Sadly, the parable does not contain an additional verse wherein the driver elaborates upon his stance by admonishing the three grizzled veterans for killing hundreds of thousands of brown people and destabilising the Middle East for decades whilst personally cashing-in by advising dictators in the region - that would be too perfect - but I think the basic premise of subconscious projection is established in what is already there.
People just do not want to do what Tony Blair tells them and he cannot fathom why this might be - he's on the cusp of a realisation, but he never quite puts things together because I don't think he can.  This is the man, after all, who has gone on record as saying in his memoirs that he had dreamt that former Labour leader John Smith would be struck down by an act of God so that Tony could become leader in his place, and who latterly preaches parables to the masses because that is how a man who travels the land of the Israelites in the guise of a peacemaker rolls.  A moment or two of feigned self-awareness cannot disguise that Tony B and his followers look upon the father of ISIS as a messianic figure, while the rest of us merely see a cunt.

Friday 4 September 2015

Sexy people deserve second chances

I won't lie: I am totally watching Devious Maids right now.  It has a scene where a character expresses his concern that someone might be faking having cancer, and to explain his suspicions, he says he checked the person's internet browsing history - he then points to a web page called "how to fake cancer".
I mention this because I read a Tweet from Seth McFarlane where he says "there's no such thing as "hate watching" you just like watching bad shows", but this sadly cannot be entirely accurate because it implies that there are people somewhere who enjoy watching Under The Dome.
I watch Under The Dome and I hate myself for doing so almost as much as I hate Under The Dome.  I am almost 100 percent certain my experience is a paradigm of UTD's audience.

Thursday 3 September 2015

If I wasn't so lazy I'd punch you in the stomach

Yep.  Forgot again to update yesterday.  I suppose I shouldn't worry seeing as it was because I was working, but dang it, I just have so much wisdom to share with the world it is a crime when I don't post here about how bad the latest UStv shows are even though I don't seem to actually stop watching them.  Alternatively, it is stupid that I divide my time at home between drawing comics and playing videogames and it wouldn't kill me to branch out a bit and remind myself how to string sentences together now and then.